Memory poblems with my new job.

MS can be sneaky. I knew I had a bad memory but I didn't realize how bad it has become until I got this new job. I'm really struggling with the ability to not only learn but to retain.
We had an all day training lesson today. Whenever we had a "challenge" to check our knowledge, I failed every single time. I was the only one who had this problem. It's gotten so bad, a person has been assigned to me after training was over. I'm the only one who has this extra help. He even asked me if I have memory problems, because that's how obvious it is. I got so stressed trying to keep up my left side of my face started to feel like novocaine was wearing off and my right leg got muscle stiffness. I have to admit I get irritaed with people when they say, "you'll get it". Honestly, it feels dismissive and patronizing even though I know they're not.
They don't understand the horror of not remembering the day before. The panic feeling knowing you will forget everything you learned that day. Some would say, by thinking that way I'm making it happen. Maybe I should carry around a MRI picture that shows the lesions in the area of the brain responsible for  memory.
I have to do things repetitively constantly to retain the knowledge. This job has so may exceptions to the exceptions that may only be done a few times a month or less. That is not a enough for me to retain the knowledge. I got an email today that said I did something last Friday that requires follow up. I don't remember even doing it or what I have to do.
While I'm thankful that they haven't given up on me I wonder how long they are willing to put up with someone like me. Training is suppose to be over at the end of this week. I feel like I need another month.

Found this very dry, but informative video that explains the memory problems I have. It acually makes me feel better knowing that I'm not imagining the struggle.

First major MS episode at new job. NOT COOL!

Started working at Grainger 1/16/17. Yay!! I have been in brutal training for the past week and a half. So. Much. To. Learn! I haven't felt this inept since geometry in highschool. Im in a class of 10 people and my trainers have said I am doing fine. I have a hard time agreeing with them, but I'm trying to stop being so hard on myself.
Anyway, I have had some MS problems since starting. The first day of training on the phones was this Tuesday and they made us take calls. I was not ready. My first call was sorta complicated but I got through it with my trainer, Joel, pointing out what to do and where to go. I cried when I was done with the call because I didn't know what I was doing. The rest of my calls that day got progressively worse. My face started getting tingly on my leftside, my nose was super itchy, and I was slightly dizzy because of all the elevator rides to meetings and the training room. By the end of the day I was feeling pretty crappy and dizzy.  Thankfully, Matt drove me home.
I did debate quitting, but I decided to give it another shot. So next day I had a meeting with Joel to explain my MS and he was very understanding and accommodating. Most of my phone calls were normal orders that were easy. *Happy Dance*
Thursday started out fine. Had a mix of easy and complicated calls, but I was handeling it okay. I took the stairs as much as I could for the meetings until the last meeting. I was stuck on a call that made me late for my break and the meeting. One of the trainers, Tanya, waited for me and Rose and we all rushed to get to the meeting. I decided to do the elevator because I didn't have time for the stairs. I was a little dizzy when I stepped off the elevator but it went away during class room time.
Once we were done, I figured I would take the elevator back up since the last dizzy spell wasn't that bad and it went away pretty fast. I was horribly wrong!
I was so dizzy when I stepped off the elevator that I had to grab a chair to steady myself. Tanya and a fellow trainee helped walk me to my desk. I reasured them I would be fine and it would go away. I was again, horribly wrong.
I sat down and the spins went in to hyperdrive. I put my head between my legs hoping to make it stop. It wasn't working. I carefully went to get a drink of water from the bubbler and the supid thing sprayed me in the face! So I went to the bathroom to clean myself off and the spins hit me again.
A fellow employee saw me holding on to the wall to stay standing. she helped me out of the bathroom and got a manager who walked me back to my desk since I kept refusing any special treatment. I just kept thinking it would go away. Again, Wrong. Wrong. Wrong!
I put my head between my legs and noticed my hands were shaking too. Tanya asked me if I was okay and when I looked up, she gasped and said, "Oh my gosh you are white!" and ran to get the emergency response team that is on call at Grainger.
When I heared the anouncement, "Emergency response team needed in the training department." I started to cry. I was mortified! I was suddenly surrounded by, what I was later told, 8 people. It felt like everyone was staring. I had a woman named Rachael that came all the way from Ariens. That is on the otherside of the building! Grainger is huge!
Thankfully Karen saw someone looking for Matt and knew it was me that the announcement was for. They couldn't find Matt so she came over. I was so thankful to see a familiar face. As soon as I saw her I started signing. I was a mess and it was nice to be able to express myself since my mouth wasn't working too well. She ran and got me water, and stayed with me until Matt arrived.
I was taking to a conference room for some privacy. Karen got my glasses for me that I had left at my desk, and she had to put them on my face because my hands weren't cooperating - weak and shaky. I just kept praying it would all go away.
I didn't want to leave work since I only had 1 1/2 hours left, but I knew I couldn't take calls. So they just had me do some certification training that we have to do for the EPA. At least I was doing part of my job. It was so hard to concentrate that I'm going to have to retake it tomorrow. Whatever, I was just trying to make it through the day.
I'm home now and I feel better. My hands stopped shaking and the dizziness is minimal, but not totally gone. I'm hoping my ability to talk normal will be back by tomorrow.
Praying a good night sleep will help..

MS appointment

Got to see Dr Luzzio today for my MS check-up along with an intern. They had me do most of the usual physical testing: walk fast down the hall, hop on each foot, touch my nose and then the interns finger -You know, the drunk test. Then we discussed any symptoms I'm currently having. right now, I have this annoying itchy/tingling sensation on my left cheek. I keep feeling the need to wipe my cheek which temporarily soothes the area, but it always comes back.

Anyway, We discussed what went wrong with Copaxone and what to do next. My reaction to Copaxone may be link to hypersensitivity. He said he didn't like how my recent MRI looked and that I need to be on some kind of MS drug, but none that involve needles because those are administered too fast and my body doesn't like that. So we are looking into Tecfidera. I don't know how I feel about it. It is pills instead of shots so that's a plus. It has some side effects. Some mild and some alarming. If I go on this medication I would need to visit the neurologist in 3 months and then every 6 months to make sure I don't show signs of liver damage or a brain infection. Have I mentioned that I miss drinking parasites? They never threatened to damage major organs.

Anyway, with all injection medication off the table I'm left with fewer options. I think I'm going to give this a try. I just pray I don't react as badly as I did with Copaxone. In order to be put on Tecfidera they have to test my blood and make sure my body can except it. I will know in a few weeks if I will be taking it.

Philippians 3:20-21New International Version (NIV)

20 But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21 who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.

I anxiously await the day for His return! That new body is gonna be sweet!

Recovery

I realized I never updated on my recovery. So here it is.

I would say as of the 2nd week of July all the symptoms of my relapse have completely subsided. Yay!! I was healed in 6 weeks!

I honestly didn't noticed that I didn't feel a hint of weekness or numbness until someone asked how my recovery was going and I had to check myself. I feel a bit ashamed that I didn't praise God earlier. But I'll be doing that now. Better late than never. Throughout my flare-up I had a peace that I would recover. Never doubted it. Admittedly, I was impatient at times. Here are some scripture verses that kept me in check when I would become frustrated with how slow my healing was going.

 Psalms 37:7 "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him"
Romans 12:12 " Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
Psalms 94:19 "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy."
2 corinthians 12:9 "...'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
All of Psalms 31
There are more but to be honest the Bible has so many encouraging and comforting verses I might as well just link the whole book! Biblegateway.com

I experienced things during my relapse that I can only attribute to God. One man from church, Tim, smiled at me when I walked in to church with my cane and eye patch the first Sunday after my flare-up and said, "That explains it!" When I ask what he meant he told me the Lord pressed upon him to pray for me, for healing and for strength and peace for my husband. He knew nothing of my MS flare-up prior to that.
Neurologist, nurses, and other doctors all told me that if I do recover it could take 3-6 months. I told them I felt that God would heal me faster than that. I told them of my prayer warriors and the trust I had in God's timing.

I have joy about my suffering that confounded some people. If there comes a time when MS causes symtoms that I can't recover from I will praise him still. I'm not boasting about my faith for I am a weak and fallible human being. I will boast about Him though and his great power and love.

Say What???

Saw an audiologist and an otolaryngologist today. Let's just say I don't have your typical hearing problem. I'll try to simplify this two and a half hour appointment for ya.

First off, I have bilateral tinnitus. I wasn't surprised by this diagnosis. What surprised me was why I have it. It's not from loud sounds; it's most likely genetic. The tinnitus is not disturbing enough to worry about. If it was, most that he could do is prescribe something to deal with anxiety or depression. No, thank you.

Then he turned into a psychic. He guessed that I get migraines primarily on one side, that I'm dyslexic, that I have trouble hearing someone when I can't see their face, and in even mildly noisy situations (like at a restaurant or if a fan is running) I have trouble hearing what people are saying. I was shocked. It gave me goose bumps! From what I could understand, from all of the medical jargon, is that the part of my brain that processes hearing/language is the problem. As far as he can tell, it's not MS related. I'm just born with bad wiring. Normal brains can filter out ambient noise. Mine has trouble doing that. He was shocked that I sometimes interpret for my church. He congratulated me for being able to compensate as well as I have. I laughed and said, "So, it a miracle that I can hold a competent conversion."  He also congratulated me on having a sense of humor about all this.

Next, he went over the vertigo that I had a while back. While he's glad that I was able to take care of it myself, he's not sure if it was an inner ear problem or MS since I do have a lesion that is on my cerebellum. If I get vertigo again, I'm suppose to go in immediately. He is not so sure Copaxone cause my lesion. Since I had the vertigo before my major relapse symptoms started, it is entirely possible that I was already developing a lesion on my cerebellum and that my adverse reaction to Copaxone influenced the progression of it. I have a neurology appointment in two weeks so I guess I'll find out what Dr Luzzio thinks about all of this.

It certainly has been a long interesting day. I learned that my brain was broken before it was broken.

Prism Sticker

Got me a prism sticker from for my glasses!

It takes some getting use to but I shouldn't have to use it forever. This is just until my vision corrects itself.
Here is the low down.

The lesion is right around the visual cortex for my left eye.

Here is a diagram on how the brain connects the eyes. For all you biology students out there, you remember that the left eye connects to the right side of the brain and vise versa.

The ophthalmologist didn't want to do anything invasive since my eyes look healthy and they believe  it will heal fully in about 2 to 3 months. For now I will use the prism sticker on only the left lens of my glasses to reduce my double vision.

The prism sticker doesn't give me perfect vision. I still see double when I look all the way to my left. There are different ranges for prisms. If I look all the way to my left I would need a 30 strength prism were if I look all the way to my right it's a 0. So they went with 12 for a happy medium. It works enough so that I see a single image when I look forward. Especially far away. close up is not a problem. Because it's a sticker, like a window cling, it does make my vision sorta blurry for my left eye.
All in all, I'm thrilled! While Joe drove me home I loved looking around and seeing God's beautiful creation. I certainly have learned to cherish my vision and thank the Lord for his complex and wonderful design.

Oh, and of course having a blast with this awesome dude! Thanks for driving me Joe!

MRI images from today's appointment.

Still got double vision going on so my friend, Kimberly, took me to my MRI appointment in Rockford IL. Yeah, if you ever want to get lost just have me navigate. Long story short we got there...eventually. Here is a new MRI pictures. My last MRI was 5 years ago. Technology has improved and so have the images. My MRI pictures that I posted back in 7/17/2011 were small and blurry. Now they are much clearer.

White/grey areas are lesions. Lesions are bad.

I'm not a doctor so I can only pick out the obvious lesions and those are the ones I circled in red.

Edit/update 6/21/16: 

My neurologist nurse, Lisa, called with the analysis of my MRI. There is only one new lesion and it's on my spinal cord. That lesion is the cause of my current relapse. 

Otherwise, my brain hasn't changed in the past 5 years and is stable! That is amazing! I am even more convinced that this relapse was trigger by my violent reaction to Copaxone. I also believe my diet change is what has helped stabilize my brain for so long. 

My double vision is linked to my lazy left eye that I've had for years but was triggered by the relapse. The belief, so far, is that because lazy eye is due to a weak muscle that when the relapse happened my left eye went further out of whack and can't correct itself without help. I will know more after my eye appointment tomorrow. 

The neuro nurse seemed pretty shocked by how fast I seem to be recovering. They told me to keep doing what I'm doing (diet wise) because it seems to be working. I also credit my prayer warriors. I know their heavenly petition on my behalf are crucial. All glory to God, Amen!