MS can be sneaky. I knew I had a bad memory but I didn't realize how bad it has become until I got this new job. I'm really struggling with the ability to not only learn but to retain.
We had an all day training lesson today. Whenever we had a "challenge" to check our knowledge, I failed every single time. I was the only one who had this problem. It's gotten so bad, a person has been assigned to me after training was over. I'm the only one who has this extra help. He even asked me if I have memory problems, because that's how obvious it is. I got so stressed trying to keep up my left side of my face started to feel like novocaine was wearing off and my right leg got muscle stiffness. I have to admit I get irritaed with people when they say, "you'll get it". Honestly, it feels dismissive and patronizing even though I know they're not.
They don't understand the horror of not remembering the day before. The panic feeling knowing you will forget everything you learned that day. Some would say, by thinking that way I'm making it happen. Maybe I should carry around a MRI picture that shows the lesions in the area of the brain responsible for memory.
I have to do things repetitively constantly to retain the knowledge. This job has so may exceptions to the exceptions that may only be done a few times a month or less. That is not a enough for me to retain the knowledge. I got an email today that said I did something last Friday that requires follow up. I don't remember even doing it or what I have to do.
While I'm thankful that they haven't given up on me I wonder how long they are willing to put up with someone like me. Training is suppose to be over at the end of this week. I feel like I need another month.
Found this very dry, but informative video that explains the memory problems I have. It acually makes me feel better knowing that I'm not imagining the struggle.
Monday, January 30, 2017
Thursday, January 26, 2017
First major MS episode at new job. NOT COOL!
Started working at Grainger 1/16/17. Yay!! I have been in brutal training for the past week and a half. So. Much. To. Learn! I haven't felt this inept since geometry in highschool. Im in a class of 10 people and my trainers have said I am doing fine. I have a hard time agreeing with them, but I'm trying to stop being so hard on myself.
Anyway, I have had some MS problems since starting. The first day of training on the phones was this Tuesday and they made us take calls. I was not ready. My first call was sorta complicated but I got through it with my trainer, Joel, pointing out what to do and where to go. I cried when I was done with the call because I didn't know what I was doing. The rest of my calls that day got progressively worse. My face started getting tingly on my leftside, my nose was super itchy, and I was slightly dizzy because of all the elevator rides to meetings and the training room. By the end of the day I was feeling pretty crappy and dizzy. Thankfully, Matt drove me home.
I did debate quitting, but I decided to give it another shot. So next day I had a meeting with Joel to explain my MS and he was very understanding and accommodating. Most of my phone calls were normal orders that were easy. *Happy Dance*
Thursday started out fine. Had a mix of easy and complicated calls, but I was handeling it okay. I took the stairs as much as I could for the meetings until the last meeting. I was stuck on a call that made me late for my break and the meeting. One of the trainers, Tanya, waited for me and Rose and we all rushed to get to the meeting. I decided to do the elevator because I didn't have time for the stairs. I was a little dizzy when I stepped off the elevator but it went away during class room time.
Once we were done, I figured I would take the elevator back up since the last dizzy spell wasn't that bad and it went away pretty fast. I was horribly wrong!
I was so dizzy when I stepped off the elevator that I had to grab a chair to steady myself. Tanya and a fellow trainee helped walk me to my desk. I reasured them I would be fine and it would go away. I was again, horribly wrong.
I sat down and the spins went in to hyperdrive. I put my head between my legs hoping to make it stop. It wasn't working. I carefully went to get a drink of water from the bubbler and the supid thing sprayed me in the face! So I went to the bathroom to clean myself off and the spins hit me again.
A fellow employee saw me holding on to the wall to stay standing. she helped me out of the bathroom and got a manager who walked me back to my desk since I kept refusing any special treatment. I just kept thinking it would go away. Again, Wrong. Wrong. Wrong!
I put my head between my legs and noticed my hands were shaking too. Tanya asked me if I was okay and when I looked up, she gasped and said, "Oh my gosh you are white!" and ran to get the emergency response team that is on call at Grainger.
When I heared the anouncement, "Emergency response team needed in the training department." I started to cry. I was mortified! I was suddenly surrounded by, what I was later told, 8 people. It felt like everyone was staring. I had a woman named Rachael that came all the way from Ariens. That is on the otherside of the building! Grainger is huge!
Thankfully Karen saw someone looking for Matt and knew it was me that the announcement was for. They couldn't find Matt so she came over. I was so thankful to see a familiar face. As soon as I saw her I started signing. I was a mess and it was nice to be able to express myself since my mouth wasn't working too well. She ran and got me water, and stayed with me until Matt arrived.
I was taking to a conference room for some privacy. Karen got my glasses for me that I had left at my desk, and she had to put them on my face because my hands weren't cooperating - weak and shaky. I just kept praying it would all go away.
I didn't want to leave work since I only had 1 1/2 hours left, but I knew I couldn't take calls. So they just had me do some certification training that we have to do for the EPA. At least I was doing part of my job. It was so hard to concentrate that I'm going to have to retake it tomorrow. Whatever, I was just trying to make it through the day.
I'm home now and I feel better. My hands stopped shaking and the dizziness is minimal, but not totally gone. I'm hoping my ability to talk normal will be back by tomorrow.
Praying a good night sleep will help..
Anyway, I have had some MS problems since starting. The first day of training on the phones was this Tuesday and they made us take calls. I was not ready. My first call was sorta complicated but I got through it with my trainer, Joel, pointing out what to do and where to go. I cried when I was done with the call because I didn't know what I was doing. The rest of my calls that day got progressively worse. My face started getting tingly on my leftside, my nose was super itchy, and I was slightly dizzy because of all the elevator rides to meetings and the training room. By the end of the day I was feeling pretty crappy and dizzy. Thankfully, Matt drove me home.
I did debate quitting, but I decided to give it another shot. So next day I had a meeting with Joel to explain my MS and he was very understanding and accommodating. Most of my phone calls were normal orders that were easy. *Happy Dance*
Thursday started out fine. Had a mix of easy and complicated calls, but I was handeling it okay. I took the stairs as much as I could for the meetings until the last meeting. I was stuck on a call that made me late for my break and the meeting. One of the trainers, Tanya, waited for me and Rose and we all rushed to get to the meeting. I decided to do the elevator because I didn't have time for the stairs. I was a little dizzy when I stepped off the elevator but it went away during class room time.
Once we were done, I figured I would take the elevator back up since the last dizzy spell wasn't that bad and it went away pretty fast. I was horribly wrong!
I was so dizzy when I stepped off the elevator that I had to grab a chair to steady myself. Tanya and a fellow trainee helped walk me to my desk. I reasured them I would be fine and it would go away. I was again, horribly wrong.
I sat down and the spins went in to hyperdrive. I put my head between my legs hoping to make it stop. It wasn't working. I carefully went to get a drink of water from the bubbler and the supid thing sprayed me in the face! So I went to the bathroom to clean myself off and the spins hit me again.
A fellow employee saw me holding on to the wall to stay standing. she helped me out of the bathroom and got a manager who walked me back to my desk since I kept refusing any special treatment. I just kept thinking it would go away. Again, Wrong. Wrong. Wrong!
I put my head between my legs and noticed my hands were shaking too. Tanya asked me if I was okay and when I looked up, she gasped and said, "Oh my gosh you are white!" and ran to get the emergency response team that is on call at Grainger.
When I heared the anouncement, "Emergency response team needed in the training department." I started to cry. I was mortified! I was suddenly surrounded by, what I was later told, 8 people. It felt like everyone was staring. I had a woman named Rachael that came all the way from Ariens. That is on the otherside of the building! Grainger is huge!
Thankfully Karen saw someone looking for Matt and knew it was me that the announcement was for. They couldn't find Matt so she came over. I was so thankful to see a familiar face. As soon as I saw her I started signing. I was a mess and it was nice to be able to express myself since my mouth wasn't working too well. She ran and got me water, and stayed with me until Matt arrived.
I was taking to a conference room for some privacy. Karen got my glasses for me that I had left at my desk, and she had to put them on my face because my hands weren't cooperating - weak and shaky. I just kept praying it would all go away.
I didn't want to leave work since I only had 1 1/2 hours left, but I knew I couldn't take calls. So they just had me do some certification training that we have to do for the EPA. At least I was doing part of my job. It was so hard to concentrate that I'm going to have to retake it tomorrow. Whatever, I was just trying to make it through the day.
I'm home now and I feel better. My hands stopped shaking and the dizziness is minimal, but not totally gone. I'm hoping my ability to talk normal will be back by tomorrow.
Praying a good night sleep will help..
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