No, It's not a stroke.

This is a blog that is long overdue. on June 22, 2017 I went to workout at the Y early in the morning like I usually do. I forgot my water bottle, but I did a vigorous routine anyway. After showering I had coffee and chatted with my friend, Marcia. I wasn't paying attention to how much coffee I was drinking. I started feeling dizzy and Marcia walked me to my car and made me promise to let her know if I made it home safely. I figured it was just from hunger so after getting home and informing Marcia I was fine; I ate some breakfast. The dizziness wasn't going away but I figured as long as I was sitting I would be fine. To be on the safe side Zach drove me to work.  I didn't last long there.

The bouncy area that I sit in can ramp up any MS symptoms I am having and I started to spiral pretty quickly. I sent my manager and her back up a message that I wasn't feeling too great. Andrea (the back-up manager) came over and asked what was going on. As I was explaining how I was feeling I started loosing the ability to speak. then my hands started to become weak. She said she wanted to contact the emergency response crew and remove me from the call center. She had to hold me up because my legs were starting to give out too and I could barely hold on to my cane.

In a conference room two of the emergency guys joined us. I was really struggling to talk, so Andrea got me a pad of paper and a pen but with my weak hands writing wasn't easy either. Sign Language was the best option, so I asked if anyone knew Sign. One guy boasted that he knew sign. I was thrilled! So, I started signing. and his eyes got as big as saucers. So I slowed down and condensed my signs. I could tell he still wasn't getting it. So much for that. We got a hold of Zach and had him pick me up.

Zach drove us home first to get Samantha and then the three of us went to Urgent Care. I figured it was just an episode that needed time to go away, but Zach was insistent I get checked out. Zach took care of the front desk stuff and paperwork while Samantha was my interpreter. Out of the two she knows more sign and can pickup on the signs she doesn't know yet...usually. They ended up sending me to the ER.

At the ER they ran a battery of tests including a CAT scan. Mostly, they needed to rule out that I wasn't having a stroke. While being wheeled to the CAT scan room I felt my hands were getting stronger and by the time I got back to my room my speech was starting to come back. About a half hour later most of my symptoms were gone. By the time I went home I was back to normal.

So, what did I learn from this? Coffee is no longer an option anymore. I think Marcia would slap it out of my hand if she saw me even try to drink some.
I also think a certain gentleman learned not to claim he knew Sign when, in fact, he did not.

Retinal Specialist and psychologist

It has been an eventful day. My friend, Kimberly Holmes, drove me and Sam to Madison for our appointments. My appointment with the retina specialist went really well. He said the cyst in my right eye was unlike anything they've seen before, but now it's mostly gone and they are scratching their heads! Praise Jesus!! 

Then, I find out Kimberly's van battery died. She had trouble getting people to help her. Finally, Someone was gracious enough to give us a jump and we went on to our next appointment - Sam's dyslexia appointment! She's super thrilled. As you can tell!

Today's appointment for Sam was mostly a meet and greet with the psychologist. Basically, they just want to make sure that it really is dyslexia and not a behavioral problem. So Sam had to answer around 40 questions about things like how she handles situations, drugs, family life, etc. Next appointment Sam will have to take a 3 hour test for dyslexia. It will be brutal and stressful.

Where to go from here?

I took a week medical leave from work to work out if I can hold a job with my new visual disability. I noticed my reading ability has been hampered. It takes me longer to read now and I already was a slow ready because of dyslexia and my damaged left eye. Add in the scotoma maculopathy of my right eye and reading is a bit grueling.
It's like having a chip in middle of one of the lenses in your glasses. Yeah, it's annoying, but you can see around it and, in general, you can ignore it. Until, you need to see things in detail like reading. Then that small chip, that was so easy to ignore before, becomes prominent. The difference is, with a chip in your glasses as you move your eye past it you can see. My "chip" follows every where I look. It seems to get in the way of the first letter of every word. If the font is big enough my brain can fill in what the word is, but that takes extra time and energy. It's exhausting if done for a long period of time. Can I manage a job with this new hindrance? I honestly, don't know. I've been praying a lot and have been prayed for by others. Can work accommodate for this? Is there even a way to accommodate for this?

I'll never see things the same way again.

Since Sunday I've been struggling with what I thought was a visual aura.  But, as days past and the aura wasn't going away and I never got a migraine my neurologist was worried that is was something more serious and wanted me to see an ophthalmologist asap.

So They put me through a bunch of test. Some before dilating my pupils and some after.

Sam says I look creepy with dilated pupils.

The conclusion? I have a lesions in my eye. Let me try and break this down.

This is a picture of my left eye. Sure, it has it's problems, like a lazy eye and astigmatism but it doesn't have a lesion. 

Now, here is a picture of my right eye with it's new fancy lesion. Can you see the difference? It has a dip. That is bad. That is what is causing my vision problems.

Here is another view for a different test. This one is a little harder to see. Where the arrow is it should be a darker pink perfectly circular area. If you notice, it has this lighter pink area with a tint of orange chunk in it. That is the lesion.

Such a small thing to cause so much trouble.

According to the ophthalmologist, this new development has nothing to do with MS. My doctor said I was just that lucky. Yes, she said that. Also, there is a pretty good chance that this is permanent. They scheduled me to see a retina specialist in April to see of there are any changes and to run more tests.

This thing makes reading difficult. My job is to read a computer screen. Even if it is for only 4 hours, it's exhausting and I don't know if I can do it everyday. I got a letter to excuse me from work for the next week, but then what? My doctor said I may just get used to it. I pray that it will either go away or I will be able to work around it.  Only time will tell.

Failing Vestibular Therapy.

So I totally thought I didn't need to go to vestibular therapy. My dizziness wasn't as bad as it was a few weeks ago. The therapist, Carrie Barrett of Dean Clinic, decided to test me. I failed. She had me stare at a tongue depressor with a large dot in it and shake my head back and forth as fast as I could without loosing focus on the dot. That lasted less than 30 seconds. I got so dizzy, nauseous, and sweaty they had to get me water and a cold, wet towel on the back of my neck. That nauseous feeling didn't go away for about 4 hours.

She also wanted to test my higher motor functions while doing simple tasks. I was seated in a chair then, I had to stand up and walk as fast as I could to an established point, then back to the chair and sit down while she timed me. Then she had me do the same exercise while carrying a full cup of water and not to spill it. The last exercise, I had to walk while spelling simple words backwards. With each new challenge I got slower. She said the most concerning was how much I slowed down while I spelled.  It is a sign that my higher functions are damaged. I basically can't walk and talk at the same time, Ha ha ha ha! She wants to test this at least once a year, or more, to see if I'm experiencing a downward trend. If I am, there are safety concerns. 

But, for now, I had to do my gazing exercises. 

The image below is what I have to do 2-3 times a day:

I should video myself doing it, because it looks really weird!

Physical Therapy for vertigo

Had my physical therapy appointment today for my dizziness. After running a series of physical tests, the doctor concluded I do not have BPPV. My dizziness is probably due to the lesion that is touching my cerebellum. So, next they want me to see a neurologist physical therapist. The theory is, that I might be able to retrain parts of my brain to help with my stability. I guess we'll see.

Memory poblems with my new job.

MS can be sneaky. I knew I had a bad memory but I didn't realize how bad it has become until I got this new job. I'm really struggling with the ability to not only learn but to retain.
We had an all day training lesson today. Whenever we had a "challenge" to check our knowledge, I failed every single time. I was the only one who had this problem. It's gotten so bad, a person has been assigned to me after training was over. I'm the only one who has this extra help. He even asked me if I have memory problems, because that's how obvious it is. I got so stressed trying to keep up my left side of my face started to feel like novocaine was wearing off and my right leg got muscle stiffness. I have to admit I get irritaed with people when they say, "you'll get it". Honestly, it feels dismissive and patronizing even though I know they're not.
They don't understand the horror of not remembering the day before. The panic feeling knowing you will forget everything you learned that day. Some would say, by thinking that way I'm making it happen. Maybe I should carry around a MRI picture that shows the lesions in the area of the brain responsible for  memory.
I have to do things repetitively constantly to retain the knowledge. This job has so may exceptions to the exceptions that may only be done a few times a month or less. That is not a enough for me to retain the knowledge. I got an email today that said I did something last Friday that requires follow up. I don't remember even doing it or what I have to do.
While I'm thankful that they haven't given up on me I wonder how long they are willing to put up with someone like me. Training is suppose to be over at the end of this week. I feel like I need another month.

Found this very dry, but informative video that explains the memory problems I have. It acually makes me feel better knowing that I'm not imagining the struggle.